If you're one of the millions of people that have seen The Greatest Showman, you may recognize the lyrics from the song "This is Me." The individuals in the movie are facing challenges in their life and are seen as outcasts, but they refuse to let what others think about them define who they are.
"When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me"
In my first blog I wrote for YWAM Tyler, I shared that because of complications when I was born, I was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. For anyone who doesn't know, it is a condition that effects my motor skills as well as speaking. It can cause simple tasks to become more difficult. For example, writing a page summary on a chapter of a book could take me twice as long as it should. I would have to take breaks, and usually by the time I finished, my arm is exhausted, yet that's not the biggest battle I've faced in my life.
I'll be honest with you, the biggest battle that I've had to face is whether or not I am worthy? While growing up, I was taught that my identity should be in Christ, knowing that He created each of us in His image, flaws and all. This is true but can be so difficult to grasp at times. I tend to look at my flaws and point out the worst in myself when comparing to other people. Sometimes I'll even ask myself, "Why can this person do that one thing really well, and I can't?" I can't tell you how many times I have had that conversation with God.
I've had plenty of opportunity to live a normal life. Between going to universities and having different jobs, I was just like everyone else. Yet the hardest part for me was the battle in my mind and the way I let different things in my life affect me. For a long time, I was angry, hurt, and lonely. I didn't even know what love was. I had a really hard time telling people that I loved them, even my own family.
I came into YWAM not realizing how many of these things were influencing my life. I figured in the past that I had dealt with the major issues, and God just needed to do a little bit of fine tuning in me. Through spending time with Him though, He revealed there were so many areas that had negatively impacted my life for a long time. I didn't realize that some of these areas were connected to one another, and as a result, I was holding onto a lot of hurt. The truth is we can never deal with these issues on our own. God is such a loving father in that He doesn't want us to walk through anything alone. He wants us to let Him carry these things that weigh us down and let His words about us be the ones that we hold on to.
The beauty of our relationship with Jesus is He meets us right where we are at ~ struggles and all. Since coming to YWAM Tyler, God has been able to heal many areas in my life. I am not saying that I never struggle because I do, more than I care to admit sometimes, but I know that God redeems and loves me no matter what. When the world tells us that we are not enough or we don't measure up, God calls us His own. We can stand proudly and say, "I am a child of God ~ This is me!"