After my DTS I asked God, "What's next?"
His response, "Go and do a School of Worship."
One thing led to the next and several weeks later I found myself in Texas (never saw that coming) for YWAM Tyler's School of Worship.
I arrived as a perfectionistic 18-year-old struggling with insecurity and lacking in confidence. However, I had been told I wasn't half bad at singing, and I knew I was passionate about God and Worship, which was enough to get me in the door.
Then the school started, and the fears hit hard.
"What if my worship bandmates don't think I'm good enough and I disappoint them?"
"Am I even skilled enough for this?"
"We're supposed to write songs?! But what if they're not good? What if I can't?"
"What if I don't measure up?"
One thing became evident throughout the three months of lecture phase. I was a girl searching for identity, seeking to find security, and in desperate need of belonging.
As my staff members encouraged me, I gained confidence, and I grew in trust and vulnerability. I worked alongside my classmates, who quickly became some of my greatest friends (and still are to this day!). Most importantly, God began to transform my heart and my understanding of what it means to be a true worshipper of God. In those three months, He taught me more truths than the words of this blog post or the words of a hundred thousand blog posts could handle.
Let me attempt to explain ...
I vividly remember sitting in our prayer chapel trying to write a song for my final project. In frustration I thought,"I don't know what to write!" I didn't know how to sum up everything I felt God had taught me throughout the school. What I felt didn't fit in mere words, but it was strong and more real than anything I knew.
So I asked, "God, what am I searching for? Where do I find the answers to the questions my heart is asking?"
He replied, "It's Me, it's here in My Presence. I'm all that you need. I'm everything you'll ever seek. I'm all that you need and more."
WOW. God didn't just speak lyrics (which would eventually become a song), He spoke truth and revelation directly to my heart.
That day He began this journey of teaching me where true fulfillment comes from - His presence. He showed me that He is the answer to any and every desire of my heart. I began to understand that fullness of joy is found in adoring Him, in chasing after Him, in having Him at the center of my life.
That day was three years ago, and I'm still on that journey. There are times where I still find myself searching for affirmation and contentment in all the wrong places, but it's not long before God is quick to direct my heart back to the truths He spoke that day.