Fighting for my spiritual life

I was yearning for God to awaken my dry bones.

Fighting for my relationship with God 24/7 was one of the most challenging actions I've ever taken in my life, however, I knew what I wanted was worth it and fulfilling. I was yearning for God to awaken these dry bones and transfigure me into a new creation. For Him to continue to transform me, I had to build up my spiritual endurance and become stronger in my faith in God and rest my worries upon Him. 
The five months of journeying with God during my Discipleship Training School at YWAM Tyler was the most joyous, yet challenging experience I've ever had. 
A year before YWAM, I knew God was real, that Jesus died for our sins, but I wasn't serious about having an intentional relationship with Him. I was spiritually oppressed, depressed, and relied on myself to navigate through life. Every time I tried to fight to walk in God's faithfulness, I was immediately spiritually attacked and force fed lies from the enemy that "I don't deserve to be loved by God" and told to "kill myself."
I began to believe those lies and went deeper into darkness. I was swallowed by the spirit of fear, condemnation, and pride while living in passivity because I was too comfortable to change.
During this stage of life, God reminded me of a conversation I had with my pastor regarding YWAM a couple of years ago. It was something I always wanted to do but never was serious about it. He heavily put on my heart to put all of my income towards the tuition for the January 2022 Discipleship Training School at YWAM Tyler and so I did.

When I arrived at YWAM Tyler, I was excited, yet so desperate to have a relationship with God, it was imperative because I was exhausted from finding a home in sin.
Standing against the enemy's schemes wasn't easy. Almost every night of the week, I was awakened from my sleep and attacked by demons. I would even come to class late due to the night terrors and would fall asleep during topics we explored about God. Even when I was afraid to sleep at night, God would use my roommates' relentlessness to conquer and rebuke Satan, in the name of Jesus.

The suffering is inevitable but I rejoice in it. I soon became a warrior who was on fire for God. God has formed me into this new creation that has a "yes" heart to His obedience and is passionate to share who God is and my testimony about what He has done in my life. The resonance of Jesus Christ in my life has shaken and taken me out of who I was and into who I am called to be.

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Jonah Blackwell

Written by Jonah Blackwell

Throughout my time in YWAM, God has put a new song in my mouth and whispered away my fears of the inevitable suffering to fully embracing it because a warrior's pain will never be in vain. In that, I understood the travesty of a hero who has died for the villain, and a debt He freed us from is a debt no one can repay. Now, the blood He washed my sins from has evolved and nurtured into a testament of Jesus Christ in my life, and because of that, it will be the new song I hum and teach others to learn.

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